2005-10-03 i am calm like the eye of the tornado before the storm hits

everyone is falling apart
everyone is falling apart and it we will too

thats how it is and that is all ive known
i dont know boys buying me dinner nice things
kissing me back
hugging me
wanting ONLY me.

i didnt know any of that till now.

i wrote this on my typewriter 12/5/04

it sucks and its cause i wanna be enthrawled in you all the time all the time
me and val eat ice cream and we talked a little. i had pistachio almond and she had jamoca almond fudge, i had pistachio at bucca di beppos in s.f. i love it.

me and ray were lyting on his couch in the family room and we were talking and i said how we were doing so good. and i asked him if he was happy and he said yes and i said really? and he said yes and i said so am i.

me and val spent the night and me and ray fucked on his bedroom floor. it reminded me of the beach and how that was the first time we had ever made love and how my tummy tingled and how good it felt to be thisclose to him.

funny how less than a year ago everything could change
he was lying about being happy and about being a virgin. and everythig was a lie. everything